I can’t believe it is July 5th. In fact, I have no idea where the month of June went. It feels like forever since I’ve written a blog post.
I wasn’t able to go to the Toronto Pride parade this year because I was away camping with about 90 people from my church. A couple of years ago I went with a small group of volunteers who cleaned up after the vendors and blogged about it here. Last year, we were busy with the synchroblog. This year I co-hosted ‘gay-day’ on the Drew Marshall show at the beginning of Pride week, which you can now listen to here.
I returned home from camp with a really bad sunburn and a bunch of blogs to read about the Marin Foundation’s “I’m Sorry” Campaign at Chicago Pride. A friend had facebooked me the link to this blog from the perspective of a Marin staff person. A number of folks connected with the Marin Foundation held signs at the parade that said,
‘I’m sorry that Christians judge you’
‘I’m sorry the way churches have treated you’
‘I used to be a bible-banging homophobe, sorry’
As I scanned the comments, I was grateful but a bit surprised to see the generally positive and thankful comments. My surprise came from my past experience with these kinds of apology campaigns – on various issues not just homosexuality – that never seemed to live up to the good intentions that launched them. Now having met and talked with Andrew Marin, I don’t doubt the genuineness of the motives behind this campaign and also know that the ongoing work of the Marin Foundation is much more than a one shot deal at a big event. I know that Andrew has lived in Boystown for years, building relationships and serving in the best ways he knows how. At the same time, I wonder if an apology campaign can end up stoking the fires of cynicism and polarization. That’s why I was somewhat surprised but also grateful to hear of so many gay people who seemed genuinely touched by this initiative. I would have thought that gay people would potentially view this as superficial and insufficient – because I think to many people an apology isn’t so hard to offer ….. but demonstrating repentance (a rethinking and change in behaviour) is a whole other ballgame. As I continued to read, however, I did encounter the challenge and critique of this effort in these three blogs.
As I read these critiques I was reminded yet again that bridge-building is very complex between two diverse communities. The gay community is not monolithic, neither is the Christian community or the gay Christian community. Bridge-building efforts on matters of sexuality where there are diverse perspectives within a faith context are challenging. And bridge-building efforts between people of Christian faith and those with an atheist or agnostic position are challenging. But bridge-building efforts on matters of sexuality where there are very different positions on the appropriateness of faith and religion muddies the waters even further. When you add emotion and experience to the mix in the context of pseudo-online anonymity, it can be so difficult to have a learning and growing experience together.
Where a person of faith who is seeking to both relate to gay people and be a transforming presence within the Christian community can feel torn, trying to balance what is loving to each of these distinct groups, someone within one of those groups can expect and even demand black and white clarity. In my experience, such clarity is a false security that can shirk the hard work of peace-making and presses for a controlling uniformity …. whether that be the earnest, yet proselytizing, Christian speaking their truth that homosexuality is a sin OR the gay atheist who asserts that religion is oppressive and nothing but complete political support for civil rights for the glbtqi community is acceptable.
Though his context was completely different, these words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer strike a chord for me: “There is no way to peace along the way of safety. For peace must be dared, it is itself the great venture, and can never be safe. Peace is the opposite of security. To demand guarantees is to mistrust, and this mistrust in turn brings forth war. To look for guarantees is to want to protect oneself. Peace means giving oneself completely to God’s commandment, wanting no security, but in faith and obedience laying the destiny of the nations in the hand of Almighty God, not trying to direct it for selfish purposes. Battles are won, not with weapons, but with God. They are won when the way leads to the cross.”
As I think of this quote, in the context of building bridges where sexuality, faith, and atheism intersect, I am reminded that it is the follower of Christ who is called to lay down their life, to lay the destiny of another in the hand of Almighty God, to let go of control.
I think the apologies communicated by the Marin Foundation were an attempt to do these things.
But beyond the big event, the public initiative, how do passionate followers of Jesus really live out the desire for a self-sacrificing reconciliation with those who believe and practice differently?
When an organization, such as New Direction, is unashamedly Christ-centered yet trying to build bridges across the diversity of perspectives around faith and sexuality it is helpful to remind ourselves that:
– there are things we can learn from those we disagree with, including atheists, if we take the time to listen and embody a posture of humility
– building bridges needs to avoid proselytizing – while recognizing that we will encounter those who do want to proselytize and have no interest in bridge building and how we respond to proselytizers, regardless of their perspective, is an opportunity to embody values of bridge-building: extending respect, listening and responding with grace
– our attempts at dialogue will be enhanced the more quickly we recognize and acknowledge other people’s worldviews and starting points
– demonstrating our willingness to rethink and change our assumptions, attitudes and behaviours in our everyday interactions is the daily work of bridge-building
– evidence of the Kingdom is the breaking of barriers that keep people alienated and on the margins
So, my prayer post-Pride is that followers of Jesus will recommit themselves to living out these realities of bridge-building in the quiet conversations and sharing of gifts and acts of service and authentic friendships with ALL their neighbours.
-WG
Hi. I saw this blog post last week and thought you might be interested in reading it. I certainly enjoyed it.
http://gayrights.change.org/blog/view/religious_support_for_gay_rights_grows_by_leaps_and_bounds
Hi Jason – thanks for the link.
It is an interesting window in church history …. and one in which I pray that followers of Christ will engage with much wisdom, humility and love. I often ask myself how my grandchildren might one day look upon the things I said and wrote to demonstrate my love for my gay brothers and sisters …. and hope that they will be proud of their granny wendy and the ways she sought to be Christ-like.
Next yea, I WILL attend a pride event.
Hey Wendy. Posts like this remind me why I still trust you while having a hard time trusting other people who say similar things. And I fully know that this is crazy since I consider your past (Exodus) very dangerous territory. I still decide to trust you.
Thank you Tobias – that means a lot to me ….. the basis for any of us to trust one another – as fellow Christ-followers – is the life of Christ in us. Trusting a non-Christian, for me, is bolstered by remembering that they, too, are created in the image of an infinitely good and loving God – even if they don’t personally hold to that belief system. That’s why I’m so thrilled to welcome post-Christian, agnostic or athiest readers to this blog – or those who adhere to other religions …. because there is something beautiful in our shared humanity …. and when we posture ourselves to listen and relate with humility and grace – we get to see that in one another.
New Direction.. say it out loud..
“…whether that be the earnest, yet proselytizing, Christian speaking their truth that homosexuality is a sin OR the gay atheist who asserts that religion is oppressive and nothing but complete political support for civil rights for the glbtqi community is acceptable.”
I am a gay atheist, with the opinion described above. If it were only a matter of different views… it wouldn’t be such a big deal to me. However, tremendous harm has come to me as a direct result of conservative Christian belief about me. From my perspective it looks like a religious desire to encode into the legal system a means to punish, prohibit, and restrict my ability to define, defend and provide for my family, the same as everyone else.
My father is 90, just this week we had to place him in a nursing home, it is very likely to be permanent. I’ve had to help my mother navigate the whole process, including applying for the insurance programs that will prevent her from being made homeless by the high medical costs. As his wife, there are several legal structures in place to ensure that his care will not impoverish her or diminish her quality of life.
As a gay couple we don’t have the same protections my parents have, even with our Massachusetts- recognized marriage. Any federal-level protection is denied us via DOMA.
Honestly, I don’t think I care anymore what the conservatives believe about me or my after life. I do care about being exposed to harm in this life that they would find unacceptable for themselves. I care that they wish to legally provide for my Mother’s current need but think it is acceptable that I should be left destitute on the passing of my partner.
It’s hard to have a nuanced view when my family’s safety, health and happiness are at stake.
I’m inclined to agree with the blogger’s criticism of the apology. It may be a step in the right direction, but until said apology stops trying to use the legal system to punish my family for existing it remains a meaningless gesture.
Brian,
You’re right …. perpetuating or promoting injustice is incompatible with bridge-building. This blog attempts to stay clear of political / legal issues – as this is not our specific area of engagement. We understand, at the same time, that bridge-building is not just an exercise in ideas or beliefs – but is relatively meaningless if it does not touch on the things that impact people’s real lives. As people like yourself share the real life situations you are dealing with, it will hopefully help others to more clearly see the human realities behind the ‘issues’ and apply values of bridge-building: dignity, respect, justice etc. to their thinking and position taking in the political realm. So thank you for sharing with the readers here.
I’ll be praying that your father and your mother experience peace and grace in this difficult transition time.