To My Former Best Friend

After we come out of the closet, we often experience strain or breakdown in some of our friendships. Sometimes we’re not even sure exactly why these friendships are fading away. Caitlyn Spence, one of the members of our Vancouver Generous Space group, wrote about one such friendship in the hauntingly beautiful piece below. We’re grateful for her permission to share it here, and we hope it gives voice to the pain that many of us have felt, and solidarity in the midst of it, even when it remains unresolved.


To my Former Best Friend:

It’s been more than a whole season of Broad City since the last time you and I have had a conversation. Christmas and Easter have come and gone – the Savior has been born, died and risen again since the last time we spoke. You have moved to a new house, in a new neighbourhood, in which I have never been – I’ve never seen your room nor eaten at your table. I’ve made tonnes of nachos you have not tasted. Our birthdays have both passed and you were not at my party. Taylor Swift and Katy Perry have bad blood now. It’s a whole new world but I don’t share it with you.

It’s been around 7 or 8 months since we stopped speaking. I know because it was at the same time I started dating my girlfriend, whom you have never met. She’s beautiful and clever, she shares your quiet attentiveness and your easy-going, problem-solving nature, which I always admired in you and I love in her. She handles my audacity and my obnoxiousness with grace and patience, she makes room for me in her life and welcomes me warmly. I wish you could meet her.

I have seen you since the winter: at parties, at d